What the (expletive)?

The title of this post says it all. So, let’s jump right in.

Why are all the Toddlers and Tiaras moms incredibly unkempt? You’d think they’d be a little bit more obsessed with — or at least concerned with — their own looks. Most of them look as though they just rolled ousirit of  bed and perhaps haven’t showered in a day or two.

Siri. She has always annoyed me, and I know it might sound crazy, but I don’t think she likes me. I can hear it in her tone. And lately — she’s been getting me lost. I asked her to find me a PetSmart and she brought me to the middle of a residential development. I asked her to find me a Marshalls and she told me that I arrived at my destination while I was still in the middle of the highway. I think she’s doing it on purpose and I hate her.

Things — in general — are slower here in IL than in NY. Speed limits, restaurant service and even just how people talk. Slower. Continue reading


Mayonnaise and Saved by the Bell

Whenever someone asks what my favorite food is, I normally say pizza or Fettuccine Alfredo. But, I always seem to forget how much I love picnic food until summertime rolls around.i_love_mayo_tshirt-r11d051a97c6f460ab2c03233c3bbbc24_8naxt_216

I love a good hot dog. You don’t even want to know how many hot dogs I could eat in one sitting if dared to. (Please dare me, please dare me — all I need is a reason). And cheeseburgers. Yowza. A little ketchup, mustard — and mayo, of course. Burger Heaven.

I always hear a lot of gagging noises when I say how much I love mayonnaise. But, I’m convinced those noises are only because everyone always talks about how fattening and bad for you it is. And, because it wiggles when it’s on a spoon and that’s just weird. However, I think people love mayo more than they ever let on. How could you not love potato or macaroni salad? That’s so un-American, especially around the 4th of July. (SN: You know whose mac salad I always hated? Price Chopper’s. Soup city.) Continue reading