What the (expletive)?

The title of this post says it all. So, let’s jump right in.

Why are all the Toddlers and Tiaras moms incredibly unkempt? You’d think they’d be a little bit more obsessed with — or at least concerned with — their own looks. Most of them look as though they just rolled ousirit of  bed and perhaps haven’t showered in a day or two.

Siri. She has always annoyed me, and I know it might sound crazy, but I don’t think she likes me. I can hear it in her tone. And lately — she’s been getting me lost. I asked her to find me a PetSmart and she brought me to the middle of a residential development. I asked her to find me a Marshalls and she told me that I arrived at my destination while I was still in the middle of the highway. I think she’s doing it on purpose and I hate her.

Things — in general — are slower here in IL than in NY. Speed limits, restaurant service and even just how people talk. Slower. Continue reading

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Mayonnaise and Saved by the Bell

Whenever someone asks what my favorite food is, I normally say pizza or Fettuccine Alfredo. But, I always seem to forget how much I love picnic food until summertime rolls around.i_love_mayo_tshirt-r11d051a97c6f460ab2c03233c3bbbc24_8naxt_216

I love a good hot dog. You don’t even want to know how many hot dogs I could eat in one sitting if dared to. (Please dare me, please dare me — all I need is a reason). And cheeseburgers. Yowza. A little ketchup, mustard — and mayo, of course. Burger Heaven.

I always hear a lot of gagging noises when I say how much I love mayonnaise. But, I’m convinced those noises are only because everyone always talks about how fattening and bad for you it is. And, because it wiggles when it’s on a spoon and that’s just weird. However, I think people love mayo more than they ever let on. How could you not love potato or macaroni salad? That’s so un-American, especially around the 4th of July. (SN: You know whose mac salad I always hated? Price Chopper’s. Soup city.) Continue reading