‘No, no…I won’t be wearing a garter…’

I love a lot of things about weddings…and I dislove a lot, too. Even though there are things I personally don’t love about some weddings, and wouldn’t want them in mine, I really couldn’t care less what people choose to do. I just wanna put that out there.

Besides, I think everyone has their own likes/dislikes when it comes to weddings…and bridal showers. And baby showers. Do not even get me started on what I don’t like about the two BS’s.

DISLOVE…

Why in the world would a bride bring her fiance to help pick out her wedding gown? I see this a lot on Say Yes to the Dress. Superstition aside, the element of surprise is gone. By the same token, I need to rant for a sec:

Where did the whole “I wanna feel like a princess on my wedding day” thing come from? You’re not a princess on that day…you’re a bride. Did this come about because in every fairy tale, the fair maiden’s problems are suddenly over (an evil stepmother, a comatose state, having a tail instead of legs, being held captive by a hairy beast) once they take that walk down the aisle? They’re not if you’re marrying the hairy beast, just so ya know.

I hate the whole bouquet/garter thing. I really do. Especially the garter part. You can’t be a princess and have everyone watch your husband go head-first up your dress. Sorry. Also, whoever catches the garter has to put it on the thigh of the woman who catches the bouquet. At a small wedding…the chances of those two people being related is very high. Cue the dueling banjos.

When the newlyweds are announced, I much prefer them walking in graciously excited as opposed to acting as though they just completed a marathon — pumping their fists and slapping everyone high-five. Also, I cringe when a song by Usher or someone similar is played during this time.

Bubbles. Oh my goodness, please no.

When bridesmaids/wedding guests take their heels off and wear flip-flops/no shoes on the dance floor. Beauty is pain, people!

Wedding parties and guests who get way too drunk. Come on.

LOVE…

When the groom first sees his wife-to-be coming down the aisle. I know a lot of people are turned, watching for the bride, but I always keep an eye on the groom. It’s almost always like he’s seeing her for the very first time and it melts my heart.

The mother and son dance always tears me up. I can’t remember/think of any specific songs, though. Can you?

The bride’s gown. Of course.dessert able

Dessert tables and candy bars, as opposed to being served wedding cake. Squeal. It’s brilliant.

Dancing. All night.

Looking out on a patio/balcony and seeing the groomsmen/guests having a cigar. A group of men in tuxes/suits, holding a scotch glass and celebrating together? There’s just something about it. (SN: In every photo I searched for to depict this…the guys looked like total DBs. I think the key is to not take a photo.)

Also — catching the bride exchange loving looks and hugs with those very special to her.

Clank clank clanking the champagne glasses to make the newlyweds kiss. So…much…power.

Seeing the newlyweds kiss without anyone having to strike a champagne glass.

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3 thoughts on “‘No, no…I won’t be wearing a garter…’

  1. Re: Bouquet & Garter Toss . . . At my [not even small!] wedding, my 70 year old Aunt caught the bouquet. My 17 year old cousin caught the garter. And no, they weren’t from opposite sides of my family . . . . oh, dear!

  2. Amanda, at my son’s wedding in June, he and I danced to Billy Joel’s ‘Lullaby (Goodnight My Angel’)’ from his River of Dreams album. Listen to it if you get a chance…

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