I used to like the idea of the Real Housewives of _____ shows, and I also dabbled in Keeping up with the Kardashians — but my goodness, those housewives never shut.the.flip.up and the Kardashians’ sleepy voices are enough to make me…go to sleep.
After being completely teased, and made to laugh so hard at The Bachelor preview — where the bachelor, Sean, is like, “I liiiike her” as he meets an overly drippy-to-the-point-of-questionably-psychotic-stalker (but only women can tell this about other women) gal in a black dress. And, then it suddenly cuts to the same girl crying hysterically while stomping her feet and shaking her head, saying “I can’t dooooo this…”
Again, only women can tell these things about other women right off the bat.
I love the first episode of The Bachelor/Bachelorette shows, where the
famewhores wannabe actors hopefuls looking for love exit the black limousine to meet their potential future spouse. First impressions are very important — so the hopefuls and their gimmicks to get the Bachelor to remember them are so fun to watch.
While dressed in a full-length gown, one girl did a failed backflip. Hilarious. I don’t know if she planned to land on her head in order to gain sympathy points, but if she did — go, girl.
Another girl showed up in a wedding gown. Oh, my gosh. She’s nuts. When Sean gave her forced props for her choice of attire, she exclaimed “I got balls!” Just what every man wants to hear from a woman wearing a wedding dress.
Kacie B (from Ben’s season) showed up with her wittle baby face, looking like a 12-year-old dressed inappropriately as a hooker for Halloween. Awkwardly hilarious and cringe-worthy. I need to show you this dress. See? Shameful.
While some things remain the same — like of of course there’s a divorced mom (of two), a model, a woman with one arm and a gaggle of women with made-up jobs like “Jumbotron Specialist” or something like that — I notice that over the seasons, the cat fights get meaner, the flirting gets cornier, the kisses get more awkward, the teeth get whiter, the boobs get bigger, the Bachelor gets dumber and my wine glass gets fuller.
I hate that I love it so much.